My dream came true when he asked me to marry him, and soon after we found out I was pregnant.  This was wonderful news coupled with the challenge that our finances were very low.  My job was very physical and I worked until a couple weeks before my daughter was born.  I was lucky to have the support of my mother and went back to work after 4 months.  I was so afraid that we wouldn’t have enough money and I tried to get my husband to find another job that paid more to support us. I also wanted more love and connection, and I tried to get that from him as well.  None of my conversations with him about these issues made him take any more interest in me, or motivate him to do anything for me ever. Not ever. 

I took care of all the finances, the house, the shopping, and then all three of the children we had.  I didn’t feel supported and I wanted my husband to earn more money, help with the house, help with the children, love me, and plan for our future.  I didn’t feel like that was happening at all.  I was overwhelmed, angry, and completely heart broken. There were many arguments, emotional distress fights, and a lot of disconnection.  It hadn’t turned out how I had imagined or hoped when I got married.

I tried to get us help.  I enrolled him and us in many relationship growth and healing courses, marriage courses, and over two years of weekly couples therapy.  There was some growth with all of these things, but none of them healed our marriage and gave me the feeling that I was loved and cherished by my husband.  I really didn’t know what to do, and I knew that I wanted to experience a loving relationship in my life.  I was in so much pain and on the edge of giving up.  

Randomly a woman in a relationship support group I was in mentioned Laura Doyle.  I looked it up and started to listen to her podcasts.  I was intrigued, and I also was amused by her way with words, and how easily it seemed she could look at things differently and be happy.  I felt like happiness was something so far from what I was experiencing, so I kept listening and learning.  I realized that I had really been making a lot of mistakes in trying to build intimacy with my husband.

I started right off with using duct tape, keeping any critical thoughts to myself,  and using the cheat phrase “I hear you”.  I scoured my memory for ways I had been disrespectful and I apologized.  I tried to figure out what self care was and what made me happy.  It took a long time to figure that out,  but I kept trying, and also used all the rest of the skills.  I used lots of gratitude, lots of spouse and self fulfilling prophecies, and I experimented with vulnerability.  I started to notice that instead of going to a different room, sometimes he would stay in the same room with me. Wherever he spent time with me, talked to me, helped me, or offered me something, I received graciously.  

I joined the Ridiculously Happy Wives and got coaching.  Wow, what a difference that made for me.  The transformation has been gradual, yet solid.  As I have grown in the skills my heart has healed and my marriage feels happier than ever before.  I am so grateful to have come across these skills!

Now there is peace in our home.  The level of emotional safety is the highest it’s ever been.  I know my husband loves me and puts me first.  He spends time with me, cuddles with me on the couch, shares his thoughts and asks me mine.  He wants to please me and wants me to be happy.  Now I’m on a mission to be as ridiculously happy as I possibly can be. Forever.